Poetry From my Rotting Soul
September 23, 2024 - 12:25 am
there are no words yet been said
to rewrite this perpetual stall;
and no more tears have yet to fall
to say that nothing's new.
I'm terrified to say that it's true:
The silence and stares, the slow drown
that chains my reeling form down.
And i'm scared to admit my dread;
17 and turning blue as the world passes me through.
July 21, 2024 - 4:37 pm
and i wish i could save you,
but I don't think I can do that myself.
lay your weary head on me,
so we can be softly.
Lay your head on me,
So i don't have to see you leave.
And I wish I could touch you,
Love you,
So don't take off.
i'll turn you blue,
I'll turn your blue...
June 22, 2024 - 7:14 pm
Bears
eat pears
in pairs,
Them bears,
at fairs -
Without cares
Of who stares.
May 11, 2024 - 7:04 pm
And I never thought that one day-
Sitting side by side,
Breath to neck,
Hand in hand-
We’d be able to say those words,
And mean them so true.
And I never thought that I’d feel this
Close to alive -
Sunk to the floor and floating so far away -
But when our two heart beat as one,
When our two hands laced as one,
when our lungs breathed as one-
And I think I’m falling in love with you
All over again
April 19, 2024 - 6:28 pm
A flower for you?
Maybe a stick of chew!
Oh oh oh! Happy and true!
Soft flower of blue…
April 9, 2024 - 1:23 am
I am a canker.
I am a cancer.
A festering sore
That rots everything I love.
A Midas of broken promises
And empty relationships.
As I strangle and claw
And bleed them dry.
I’ve hurt all that I touch,
And I don’t want to hurt you,
Really anyone new,
But especially not you.
I’ll find a way, I’m sure,
but for now I’ll
Strangle myself to stop your bleed,
Inevitable as it will be.
March 28, 2024 - 5:05 pm
You have a beautiful laugh
And sadness in your eyes.
Trust me,
I’ve lived with myself long enough
To know that blank stare,
Watery eyed glare
You hide behind a
smile.
March 27, 2024 - 3:02 am
I cut myself open,
To see what was inside.
A liver, a vein,
But no heart was mine.
I cut myself open,
Desperate to find me,
But all I found was a bloody scar,
No soul was there to see.
I searched and I begged
And I cut deeper still,
A gentle burn
but nothing could I feel.
And as i found Death’s
Ugly glaring face,
Bleeding and staring,
I saw that his was mine own.
March 23, 2024 - 10:15
“Save your eyes for someone brighter than I will ever be”
But dear, don’t you know
The gentle glow through the crack
under the door of a room filled with laughter?
Or the tendrils of light in the evening sky,
sitting cross legged in an outdoor chair?
The shine of yellow guiding as you
stumble the room to reach the sink in time?
The illumination from a window that
lets a gold crack fall over your face,
your lips?
The light from your eyes,
a warm glow growing dull in your lantern mind,
is brighter to me than any daytime fluorescent.
So why should I save my eyes when
anything brighter than you
Will leave me blind?
March 7, 2024 - 10:40 pm
I hope you know how grateful I am to you,
I hope you don’t know how much
I love you.
Ten smiles I share with you
And even more aches knowing that
Your smile does not belong to mine.
How I long to be in your touch:
Two lonely hearts in separate bed
Could be one body in one bed.
Soaked eyes I laugh, I cry,
And I wonder why love’s cruel hands
Make me long for the touch of your’s.
I am a sad soul and your’s so bright
I know that I should really stop.
I can’t hurt you the way I hurt -
If you ever gave me that touch -
But I await the day we see each other,
A decayed carcass of intimacy
To see what hide behind your brown eyes.
But love is cruel and love is longing and
all I want is to be next to you…
January 19, 2024 - 11:38 pm
I love the way that your eyes gleam
Like coffee stained stars in deep,
And the way you lift your head
When you smile so true.
I love the freckles that lightly dance
Upon your cheeks just so,
And the way you laugh
So that I must laugh too, unashamed.
I love the way you walk like you are
A fiber of the world.
And I want to be a part of your mind,
And you could be a part of mine too.
We’d be just so,
And I’d lay my head on your shoulder
And say “I love you.”
And when I saw you,
I would smile and you, the same too.
And then when the lights were dim,
I’d gently kiss
The freckles that line your face
And then I’d smile as I touched you,
And so would you.
And then one night
We’d make love,
And you would understand when
I asked to stop.
I’d curl into your side and tell you
My past and I’d cry
But it would be alright, beside you.
And we’d sing to the songs we love
And drive with the windows down,
And that’s what I’d do
Because I’m in love with you…
January 15, 2024 - 2:55 pm
And your teeth reminded me of
That one day where I found
A spider in my sink:
And I imagined that
I picked it up and placed it
Gently on my face.
I felt its 8 wiry legs spin
the silken web of death
As it entered my mouth.
And I felt its gentle body as
It fell into my stomach.
So instead I washed it down the
Sink because the thought of
Those eight legs made me cry;
And I wonder if that’s how I tasted
When you swallowed a piece of me,
slowly feeling me die.
December 14, 2023 - 11:19 pm
Selfish self-violence
Makes my skin bleed in silence,
And endless echo to the cavern of my tomb,
Cold concrete white wall womb
December 13, 2023 - 11:54 pm
Salted bagel, lathered cream cheese,
Oh my! Yes please!
Sure it may be midnight
But oh boy! what a sight!
What a sight, my beautiful bagel
Right there on my side table!
December 12, 2023 - 11:39 pm
I did not expect for death to greet
Me quite this so fast,
a few more weeks
To move on from the past.
But I lay and shiver and rot in bed,
Silly, sad, lonely heart.
Oh my how do you affect my head
So? Pretty, putrid little brain!
November 7, 2023
I often look up to the sky so vast
When the world moves so very fast,
And I stare at each star-
Not that there’s many from this far.
And as I sit, and ponder, and stare,
I wonder if there’s something looking back,
Because for all I care,
The sky is nothing more.
Our father, who art in heaven-
Whether it’s you or it’s seven,
death is nearing oh so fast,
And The sky is just so vast.
September 19, 2023 - 12:?? pm
A new day, a new morn,
a new day to be reborn-
Walk through the flowers
to feel their rejoice,
Walk through the flowers
to feel their sorrow-
mourn for roses,
mourn for lilies,
Go, go - go and sin-
mourn the feild you
ignorantly feast in.
October 20, 2023 - 9:24 pm
O ‘‘twas the life of a bard:
Commencing at time of great harm,
For the journey of a poet,
As I know it
Is arduous in its meaning.
I’m so glad that we are
Hey y’all so good so far,
I the best,
I you detest
I’m so glad that we to love lead.
(For the greatest reading)
Oh my lord knows that I
That I would love to rest
And love you so that I lie
With you that I am blessed
September 12, 2023 - 8:12 pm
And all I do is sit and stare,
Sit and stare, I mean
How could anyone dare!
I watch, I listen, I read the news, it
really just gives me the blues!
Read, read, pick and choose,
Getup and boogie, your old dance shoes!
August 13, 2023 - 8:45 pm
Oh daddy, why?
It’s been long since I’ve used that name -
And you are in fact the one to blame -
But, father, why?
I used to venerate you, dad,
Now I think I’d cry if compared to you -
And, you’re the reason why I am so blue -
I now have no respect for you, ‘dad’.
Maybe I am your favorite,
But not at the cost of your son -
Did you know you’re the reason why we run?
You’re not mine.
So, daddy, please,
We can’t wait for the day that we can go -
I mean it’s like you don’t even know -
So, dad, geez.
August 2, 2023
Every time I think of you,
A little flower
Begins to bloom.
It grows and blossoms,
A Sweet nectar
To which my lungs succumb.
And every time I think of you,
I dream of the day that I say I do,
And I want to pick the perfect flowers
From the acres in my heart
Of all the times I couldn’t say
I love you.
July 28, 2023 - 10:07 pm
My heart aches
With the weight of loving you,
And my body droops
Without the touch of our skin,
My mind lethargic
Now that you are not here.
I wish you would talk -
Oh how I miss your sweet words-
For I stare at an empty screen,
Waiting for your name, waiting
for a reply that might not come
And I stare, cold with fear.
Please, if you can listen,
tell me that you are not alright,
For now My heart is filled with fright,
That one day you will lay, silent.
Forever. And I will loose
my only love, my dear, my only light.
July 26, 2023 - 1:11 am
When I think of her in this dark and cold,
Suddenly, My stomach begins to glow,
her embrace holds me so gentle and warm
Oh, She reminds me of the sun
And the way his hair,
just so long and free,
Freckles, a galaxy on his body,
And those coffee eyes of comfort and love
Oh, his soft touch has me undone
July 26, 2023 - 11:59 pm
The world around me feels so austere,
And my light head - filled with fear.
Now is when I crave you most,
The warmth of you - hold me close.
July 25, 2023 - 2:38 am
2 am is where I lay in solitude,
the thought of you lingers too-
A mound of pillows by my side,
And all I want is to lay with you.
2 am is not for the gentle touch shared
by those wrapped within embrace,
Of warmth and love and peace,
Not of legs and arms as they interlace.
No, 2 am is for the lonely and lost,
The artist and poet starved for touch,
A wish, warm the suffocating sheets,
The dark blue wallows all too much.
Forgive me, for I am so very cold,
But love does not belong here in 2 am,
Not trapped in a place named home,
No, 2 am is not for the warmth in them.
July 24, 2023 - 1:57 am
I yearn to leave this place
Where a mask is always on my face.
And I hardly know these people here,
In a perpetual state of constant fear.
Family is a worrisome subject:
I always feel like some kind of defect.
And I am so alone in this full house,
Where I have to tiptoe like a mouse.
I live in my imagination
For it is my only friend
in this isolation.
The only thing that could never leave,
Like everyone else that I grieve.
So what is family at its core?
Because i could live with you evermore.
Like some kind of sacred shelter,
Noise and peace, as you held her.
July 24, 2023 - 1:12 am
I don’t quite know how to feel.
Not when she lays there so unreal -
And We ponder what it is that matters -
The world inside going to shatters.
All I crave is your embrace.
Your soft skin against my face -
But I sleep under a cold, lonely sheet -
The memory of you is my defeat.
July 22, 2023 - 12:30 am
I cannot help but think back,
To the childhood not really mine,
Oh how we are not that different,
Still saying ‘I’m just fine’
July 18, 2023 - 1:25 pm
In a few months, I’ll forget your face.
Your arms, holding me in embrace.
Your warm eyes, how they shine so bright.
In seconds, you make me feel alright.
I wish I could stay with you, my dear,
Souls together, year after year.
The only one that feels like home,
My slow heart off the metronome.
I need you more than poems I write.
And it’s cold when you’re not in sight.
A slow churn of time, stuck in place.
Side by side, hands interlace.
July 17, 2023 - 2:22 am
feel myself slipping
down this icy embankment,
To the water of my mind,
Oh I can be so unkind.
Your smile was what kept
me from falling so low,
Star stains on your face,
every day is hard in this place.
Your long hair wild and free
and mine a tinge of pink,
Like Sunlit water on my leg,
My hands now ache and beg.
And that voice of amber and dirt
I could listen to evermore,
Eyes meeting on emerald green,
All loved played in my mind scene.
But my arms lay cold and bare
on this heavy lonesome night,
My sunshine far from adoring gaze,
For I am trapped in a tired haze.
July 15, 2023 - 1:35 am
Yet another sleepless night,
Eyes heavy with sorrow,
But heart heavy with fright.
Everyday is just again tomorrow,
An endless cycle of the mundane,
My hopes and dreams left long ago.
I sit alone on this empty plain,
A desolate hostel of a soul,
And I wonder if there is no pain.
Isolation is really taking its toll,
For In this room there is no light,
And my sheets do little to fill
this gaping hole.
July 10, 2023 - 12:38pm
How would we choose to die today,
If Jesus had instead hung by noose?
Would we die on full display?
Or shot down like a feathered goose?
Rest on a cross and decay?
Arterial blood, a forbidden juice?
How would you choose to end a life,
If Jesus hadn’t died that way…
Maybe you would choose a knife…
Better yet, a toxic spray…
Your daughters, sisters, mothers, wife…
Serve them as your second day entree…
July 9, 2023 - 12:26 am
Lonesome longing for someone not here.
Wipe these eyes as they get less clear.
Fear that night will always
look this hollow.
Just lay in bed cold, mourn and wallow.
Street lamp, empty field, unmade bed.
Why can’t I get you out of my head!
Unsaid messages to memory visions.
Am I blocking you out with the
televisions?
No, I can’t think of you,
your golden light.
Not when I’m stuck in this
perpetual night.
I took for granted, your sun-ray touch.
I can’t do this for long,
I love you too much.
July 8, 2023 - 11:55 pm
From the time that I looked into your
eyes,
I knew you would be my demise,
A person I would forever long for,
One I will always adore.
Thoughts of you I cling to,
memories of your golden hue.
Laying on an emerald green,
Summer visions crystalline.
With The gentle touch of your soft hands
Has me making future plans…
But I know it is foolish thought,
Because now I lay lonely and rot,
With the warm memory of you,
My hands now empty, cold, blue.
July 8, 2023 - 11:43 am
I push my fingers into my eyes,
To find out if there’s anything
left inside.
My brain, it molds from rotten seeds,
And festers from little unholy deeds.
June 25, 2023 - 11:49 pm
I am so lonely that I could cry,
as I watch life and love pass me by,
Laying in my bed teary-eyed,
A mountain of pillows by my side
June 24, 2023 - 11:18 pm
I scratch at my skin until I blind,
To scrape away the thoughts of my mind,
Of how now I have to rearrange,
Because I quite hate change.
And you won’t be there, my anchor,
So I will fester into a canker,
Without you, my rock,
My mind has no barrier to block.
I will miss you so dearly,
And I mean that so sincerely,
Because you are my summer light,
And now I am stuck in night.
June 24, 2023 - 11:08 pm
How do I say goodbye
To something that makes me feel high…
I could touch the sky.
So how do I say goodbye?
How do I let go
When this is all that I know…
My only escape show.
So how do I let go?
And what if I go blind
when I cannot see past my mind…
It can be so unkind.
So what if I go blind?
And what if I get stuck
In this horrible mind muck…
You’re not here for luck.
So what if I get stuck?
June 9, 2023 - 1:22 am
I feel my ache for love fill me full
and crush
The fragile bones I now have in my death,
And I sink further into my nest
with a hush
To my body longing for another’s breath.
June 9, 2023 - 1:22 am
I have not lived for the best part of
my life,
A twisting swirl of miscellaneous memories
And Light catches on my bloody knife,
Forever praying for effective remedies.
May 28, 2023 - 6:26 pm
My head is being dragged down
By the hair on the nape of my neck,
For the legs I held onto
-Everyday-
Are no longer there.
And I didn’t realize how much I clung
To the smooth and hairy legs of…
And I’m drowning now,
But it will be okay, it has to be okay
Just okay,
It has always been okay…
May 28, 2023 - 5:43 pm
Water stained eye lids,
And lips stained like rum.
You don’t look okay,
Are you okay?
I know what you do,
Know what you did.
You don’t look okay,
Are you okay?
Healing isn’t linear but From where
I stand you’re going down.
You don’t look okay,
Are you okay?
You go Down to the water,
Down to the purge.
You don’t look okay,
Are you okay?
I know your thoughts,
your mind and mine.
We don’t look okay,
Are we okay?
Stop from the Mirror,
I’ve seen enough of myself.
I don’t look okay,
Am I okay?
May 28, 2023 - 1:15 am
The outside lights on my inside wall glow,
But my light is burnt, beaten, broken.
And I’ve never felt loneliness
quite like this,
A constant ache, a heavy call of oblivion.
My body is small in this extended bright,
Room for my thoughts to
swirl, spiral, soar.
And sleep is ungraspable as I long
For just a moment of
peace, release, relief
May 28, 2023 - 12:45 am
You hurt me.
My skin torn from your sharp bite.
All the lies that you whispered in my ear.
And my pride was shattered.
I had no self worth.
A starving sack of bones and flesh.
But you were just fine.
I saw your brilliant smile
the very next day.
As you found someone better than me.
It keeps happening.
Each time I become more alien.
And someday will be my last.
May 16, 2023 - 12:43 am
I felt spring’s gentle light—
Upon my skin, late last night—
She told me how I meant to feel.
The sweetness of feeling real.
Before me winters deathly grasp—
For long it held my neck fast—
My skin became burned and raw.
The icy feeling was all I saw.
But now fields of hope—
And I’m finally learning how to cope—
But not for much more time.
Winters every deathly climb.
May 16, 2023 - 12:07 am
Tonight I felt spring dance on my
Burned and frozen limbs -
Her light prance made me high
With holy light on sacrilegious skin -
Finally I know the meaning of
the name I no longer call mine -
This peace and joy and love
is my apprehensive, hopeful sign -
May 11, 2023 - 3:06 pm
I’m trying so hard to stay alive,
But the voices inside have
learned to thrive;
A back and forth tug-of-war,
And my body is the one keeping score.
April 29, 2023 - 12:37 am
Grief is a vast, whispering sea,
And you are trying to swim
but really, you’re drowning
As Your feet thrash for purchase,
Griping onto the lifeless sand of souls.
Ashes and bones from before and after
Litter the trenches of your bitter soul.
You don’t see the bodies and the stories,
Focused on yours and the bright above
As the current pulls you
farther and colder.
I’m scared for who you have become,
A drowned shell of a person.
But it seems that is all you ever were,
Never able to pull yourself from the churn
But I guess it’s better than to feel
the burn.
April 14, 2023 - 2:11 pm
I want to glow like a cracked prism,
10,000 sparkles from my cut skin.
Life as my holy catechism,
Only I am full of selfish sin.
4 glowing suns does my cool skin seep,
My body of gold and blood of rum.
Gentle blossoms after my sky weeps,
Life after death my energy hums.
Like a golden phoenix i am born,
Until the fateful day of grey woe.
I grow each day until I am fully worn,
Dying full of an eternal glow.
April 9, 2023 - 11:56 am
I bring down your beauty, your grace,
I don’t know why you can stand my face.
You should leave already,
I’ll watch you go,
Find someone better, someone who will help you grow.
I can see it happening, see you leaving,
Your friends are great, but I’ve stopped believing.
I feel myself slipping, watch me fall,
I’ll die like this,
curled in a little ball.
I know what will happen, if I continue on this path,
My lungs of sadness, my head of wrath.
I have a way of ruining everything
in my life,
You, me, love, I am dead
carrying a scythe.
April 6, 2023 - 12:36 am
I cannot ESCAPE the outside.
It penetrates MY senses.
My loud music aside,
The NOISE constantly stresses.
My head is filled so FULL,
And I have nowhere for it to go.
I am stuck with pervading MESS in my skull
A constant flow that will not SLOW.
And EVERY small thing sets me off,
Every TOUCH lights a vicious fire.
I want out I’ve had ENOUGH
But this situation is too dire.
March 21, 2023 - 4:09
I know how abandonment feels.
It is a plane where desolation reels.
And life itself yields;
my own life kneels
Before death, the vengeful bird,
Plucking joy without a word.
She knows lonelies feathered choke,
Sitting with a gun to her throat;
While I sit with a blade like oak,
Lain in this bloody cloak;
And she with fathers pills never woke
Only saved because she spoke;
February 24, 2023 - 5:24 pm
Bus rides home,
Exhausted.
Music like a poem,
Defeated.
Laughter I’m alone,
Isolated.
Rain on the window,
But inside I’m all sorrow,
Green on the hills,
But despair is all that fills
I just want peace,
Exhausted.
But sadness is a feast,
Defeated.
And I have grown obese,
Isolated.
February 8, 2023 - 10:35 pm
Psychosis on the streets,
With fear strangling the air,
As a man with big hands beats
At the person who is not there.
I sit in the car with Morrissey in my ear,
Observing behind tinted glass,
As the people decide to veer
From the man who just sees gas.